Understanding Engineers
Understanding Engineers – One
Two engineering students were riding their bikes across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”
The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to
the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want . ”
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway . ”
Understanding Engineers – Two
To the optimist, the glass is half-full .
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty .
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be .
Understanding Engineers – Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers . The engineer fumed, “What’s with
those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!”
The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!”
The priest said, “Here comes the green-keeper . Let’s have a word with him . ”
He said, “Hello George, what’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”
The green-keeper replied, “Oh, yes . That’s a group of blind firemen . They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
always let them play for free anytime . ”
The group fell silent for a moment .
The priest said, “That’s so sad . I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight . ”
The doctor said, “Good idea . I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything he can do for them . ”
The engineer said, “Why can’t they play at night?”
Understanding Engineers – Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons
Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers – Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?”
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”
The graduate with an arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”
Understanding Engineers – Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body .
One said, “It was a mechanical engineer . Just look at all the joints . ”
Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer . The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections . ”
The last one said, “No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer . Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”
Understanding Engineers – Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it .
Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet .
AN IRISH BLONDE IN A CASINO
An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.
She said, ‘I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude’.
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, ‘Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!’
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed…’YES! YES! I WON , I WON !’
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, ‘What did she roll?’
The other answered, ‘I don’t know – I thought you were watching.’
MORAL OF THE STORY -
Not all Irish are drunks,
Not all blondes are dumb,
But all men…are men.
Skirt Zipper
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to
come up to the height of the first step of the bus..
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little,
thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn’t.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.
Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, ‘How dare you touch my body!
I don’t even know who you are!’
The Texan smiled and drawled, ‘Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you,
but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.’